Humor Section!

[Markverhyden]

I'd be careful with that!
They may have a deaf friend/relative/child/sibling and can sign!

Having spent most of my childhood overseas, Brazil an Mexico, my Portuguese and Spanish is pretty good. It's fun to listen in on people who think they are having a "secret" conversation just because they are speaking a foreign language.

My very first customer, a dental office, had a Brazilian office manager/hygenist. Very first trip she was cussing up a storm in Portuguese over something while I was cleaning up a malware infection. Of course she had know idea I was fluent in Portuguese. When I was done she asked my what I had done. Told her, in Portuguese of course, that I had blessed the machine (like a priest kind of thing). Needless to say she was more than embarrassed.

 

[GTP]

Of course. I assume there is one but it's out of view, which is why I said that's what you're missing (seeing). No idea why it should be so high.

Oh, ok. I thought the round hole in the ceiling was the shower outlet. So they have a handle but no rose for the shower..haha.

 

[GTP]

Having spent most of my childhood overseas, Brazil an Mexico, my Portuguese and Spanish is pretty good. It's fun to listen in on people who think they are having a "secret" conversation just because they are speaking a foreign language.

My very first customer, a dental office, had a Brazilian office manager/hygenist. Very first trip she was cussing up a storm in Portuguese over something while I was cleaning up a malware infection. Of course she had know idea I was fluent in Portuguese. When I was done she asked my what I had done. Told her, in Portuguese of course, that I had blessed the machine (like a priest kind of thing). Needless to say she was more than embarrassed.

Yeah, that happens here in our "multicultural" country.
In Adelaide we have a wide variety of nationalities. Indian, Greek, Italian, Chinese, Malaysian, Indonesian, Polish, German, Russian, Vietnamese and many others.
While you're waiting at the supermarket checkout (and other places) you get people jabbering in their own language and sometimes someone else will cut in and say something back to them in that language, then tell everyone else in English that they were being rude to an obese person or making snide remarks about what someone was buying or whatever.
Happened to me once when I couldn't get my CC to work at the checkout. A woman (next in queue) was complaining in a foreign language.
The lady behind her snapped her in to gear and spoke to her in (Polish?) and then told her (in English) to "settle down and be patient!"

 

[GTP]

A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again decided to leave a note saying,
"I've had enough" I've left you, don't bother coming after me" and hides under the bed to see his reaction.

After a short while the husband comes home. She can hear him in the kitchen cussing about something - before he comes into the bedroom; she could see him walking towards the dressing table and pick up the note.

After a few moments he writes something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone; - "she's finally gone...yeah I know, about bloody time, I'm coming to pick you up, put on the sexy French langerie, I love you".

He hangs up, grabs his keys and leaves.

She hears the car drive off as she climbs out from under the bed, seething with rage! With tears in her eyes she grabs the note to see what he had written;

"I can see your feet. Stop being stupid, we're out of bread, put the kettle on, back in 5 minutes, love you!”

 

[Moltuae]

That reminded me of another old 'affair' joke ....





One day little Susie went into her back yard and found her dog Muffles lying dead with its legs up in the air.

She asked, "Daddy, Daddy why are Muffles' legs in the air?"

Thinking quickly, her dad replied, "This way Jesus can come down and take Muffles to heaven easier."

The next day when Susie's dad came home from work she ran up to him and said, "Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today!"

Flustered, her father said, "Honey what happened!?"

Susie said, "Well Mommy's legs were up in the air and she was screaming 'Oh Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming' and if it wasn't for the milkman holding her down, Daddy, she'd have gone!"

 

[GTP]

Wheelie bins?

A garbo is driving along a Sydney street picking up the wheelie bins and emptying them into his rubbish truck. He goes to one house where the bin hasn't been left out. In the spirit of kindness and after having a quick look about for the bin, he gets out of his truck, goes to the front door and knocks.
There's no answer.
Being a conscientious bloke, he knocks again - much harder.
Eventually, a Japanese man comes to the door.
"Harro!" says the Japanese man.
"G'day mate, where's ya' bin?" asks the garbo.
"I bin on toilet," explains the Japanese bloke, a bit perplexed.
Realising the fellow had misunderstood him, the bin man smiles and tries again.
"No mate, where's ya' dust bin?"
"I dust been to toilet, I toll you!'' says the Japanese man, still perplexed.
"Listen," says the garbo. "You're misunderstanding me mate! I mean, where's ya' wheelie bin?'"
"OK, OK. " replies the Japanese man with a sheepish grin, "I wheelie bin having sex wiffa wife's sista!!!"

 

[NETWizz]

 

[nerd2u]

But wouldn't it make sense for an emergency eye wash to have the shower head overhead, so that you would look up to have the water bathe your eyes?

A pull shower like that is more for chemicals on you not necessarily in your eyes.

See them a lot in warehouses that have battery charging stations so if the battery acid gets on you your able to wash off.

Sent from my SM-G870W using Tapatalk

 

[Markverhyden]

That would be a short lived carpentry apprenticeship. Maybe he was distracted with the measure twice, cut once adage. LOL!!!

 

[Markverhyden]

A pull shower like that is more for chemicals on you not necessarily in your eyes.

See them a lot in warehouses that have battery charging stations so if the battery acid gets on you your able to wash off.

Sent from my SM-G870W using Tapatalk

Agreed. Back when I used to work on drilling rigs, at least the more modern ones, had those where they mixed chemicals into the mud pits. One chemical commonly used was caustic soda. Plenty of people got burns, including myself. Fortunately mine were always just a few small spots on my hands and arms which healed. Others were, unfortunately, life time injuries.

Every eyewash station I've seen looks like some kind of drinking fountain with two spouts.

 

[Altster]

so if the battery acid gets on you your able to wash

Should be "you're" for "you are"....

Grammar Police!

 

[LordIntruder]

Grammar Police!

If you do really start this you'll have a lot to do. Especially with me and my spelling.

 

[NETWizz]

Taken from Reddit as a Copy & Paste:

I was a friend of the IT division on my ship when I was in the Navy. The IT division knew I was studying hard for Cisco certs and gave me access to the router terminals to poke/practice around. I was entering non-intrusive commands and decided to try a debug. Not "debug <this thing>" or "debug <that thing>" but "debug" by itself - essentially enabling all debugging on this poor Cisco router. I quietly stood there in terror at the terminal trying to get "undebug all" into the CLI between the minute-long stalls. I finally got it in 5-10 minutes later and left the space quickly as they were starting to get calls from the crew, officers, and the captain about the network acting funny.

Thanks for all the real-world IT experience, Navy!

 

[HCHTech]

Should be "you're" for "you are"....

Grammar Police!

All the pedants will like @Altster 's post - haha. As much as I grit my teeth at the seemingly endless loose/lose's or your/you're's, I hold my tongue because this forum isn't about that. Those are not misspellings, they are gaps in knowledge, and they make us look bad/unprofessional/uneducated, IMO.

 

[Porthos]

 

[Porthos]

 

[Kitten Kong]

You will not believe what just happened...
I pulled in to the petrol station to fill up and to get a drink.
When I was walking in to pay and noticed two Coppers watching a woman who was smoking while filling her car. I thought, "Is this woman thick or what. Especially with the coppers right there too.
I went inside and got my drink. As I was paying, I heard a scream.
I looked out of the door, the woman's arm was on fire!
She was swinging her arm & running around going crazy! I ran outside & the coppers had put her on the ground & were putting the fire out with their coffee!!
Then one put handcuffs on her & threw her in the police car..
I thought what sort of sort of idiot smokes near a petrol a pump?
But being a nosey git I am, I asked the cops what they were charging her with.
He looked at me and said for “WAVING A FIREARM!"

 

[mdownes]

The WORST kind of customer.

 

[MichaelBits]

Tell me your reaction to this girls new email address assigned by her college.

https://percolately.com/alexa/this-college-students-school-assigned-her-email/

Look at the bottom of the image to see the name.

 

[Markverhyden]

Yet another Thumbtack winner......