Humor Section!

10 FUN FACTS:

1. You can't wash your eyes with soap.
2. You can't count every hair on your body.
3. You can't breathe through you nose with you tongue sticking out.
4. You just tried no. 3
6. When you tried no. 3 you realised it's possible but you looked silly.
7. You're smiling right now because you were fooled.
8. You skipped no. 5.
9. You just checked to see if there was a no. 5.
10. You're still thinking about no.1
 
Tales from the Trenches:

Let's start with one of my favorites. I'm working in the SOC for a managed security services provider. Basically, we're tasked with making all the firewall and IDS/IPS rule changes, keeping everything updated and alive, etc., and the logs flowing to the analysts. Anyway, I get a call from a user one day.
"Your firewall isn't blocking popups!", he complains.
"Uh, yeah. To do that, we'd have to block all of tcp/80 outbound from your users. I think they'd complain," I said, hoping that it would end the conversation there.
"I know how it works! I'm a CISSP!" he sneers. [Oh, God. One of those. Do go on, please.] "I demand that you make that change in the firewall IMMEDIATELY."
"So, uh, Will, you know that an 'immediate' change counts as an 'emergency' change, and you only get one of those per month. Are you sure you want to waste that on something which will break your whole network?"
"Don't treat me like an idiot!" he bellows.
"Okey dokey. Well, to ensure that I have non-repudiation on this one, I need you to submit that as an emergency change request via PGP signed and encrypted email, 'cuz there's no way my boss will believe you asked for it otherwise."

I mean, how many ways can I make it clear this is a bad idea?

So, the email rolls in. I gleefully log into his SGS and axe tcp/80 outbound from all connections, reset the conn table, and wait for the phone to ring. Two minutes later - my MOBILE rings. It was my friend who happened to work at that customer's site.

"What, the f*** did you people do? My whole userbase is complaining they can't hit OWA on the Exchange servers!" So, I told him.

Five minutes later, SOC phone rings. It's Mr. CISSP's boss. He asks us to change it back. "I'd love to, man, but that would be a violation of our contractual agreement. We can put in a request, and it'll get changed within 24 hours. I'll put it as high in the queue as I can..."

"I really, really need you to do this for me. What'll it take?" he pleads.

"Sign Will up for some basic networking classes?" I suggest.

"Oh, I fired him before I called you."

"You should have opened with that." <clickety> "Fixed. You should be able to browse, now."

And they remained a happy customer for years after that.
 
46926896_2304791396214994_1028572172639010816_n.jpg
 
phaZed said:
One casket said to the other casket, "Is that you coffin?"
Click to expand...

Or, as my Dad used to say to us when we were kids (whenever we had a cough/cold):

"It's not the cough that carries you off – it's the coffin they carries you off in!"

(Which, apparently, was a phrase originally coined by George Formby Sr, the father of George Formby. Quite Ironic considering George Formby Sr died of tuberculosis.)
 
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This is my second-favorite one:


"You know what? It's that hippie. Cory, the night-shift hippie did this, I bet."
"Stupid data center gangster."
"Imma get fired now, that's what's gonna happen."
"No, you just do what I do. Say it's a virus attack. How do you think I survived 30 years in IT?"
 
It reminds me of my first job when I was about 15 and a half in high-school. I worked for a grocery store chain which got a new manager.

I typically stocked shelves etc., but this jerk wanted to throw his weight around and asked (actually told) me to mop the huge walk-in freezer. I told him, "I didn't think that's a good idea."

Anyway, "Mr. Bigshot ordered I must do what's told... he doesn't pay me to think" (his words). Long story short... It was the start of an 8 hour shift, and he left. I dumped the mop bucket and filled it with plain water... then went in there and moped it about 8 to 9 times with a wet, damp mop, so the mop didn't stick to the floor. I would shut the door and let the water freeze to the floor after each time I mopped it.

I must have built up 1 CM of frozen ice on the floor! The only thing we didn't have was a zamboni machine. The best part was that he came back the next day to inspect the work after ordering all sorts of people to do stuff, and he slipped and fell in there hurting his tail-bone. When he was injured and hobbling, I looked straight at him and said, "are you okay?" He was like, "No, do you really think I look okay?" I responded, "Well, I don't think anymore." He was like, "I see that. Why is the floor all frozen like that?" I said, "Well, I didn't think mopping the freezer was a good idea at the time, but and you made it clear to me then that you don't pay me to think... to mop it anyway."

Anyway, he sent me home and terminated my employment. Then about two days later I get a call from his boss. He tells me that my boss didn't follow proper disciplinary procedure. That he is to verbally counsel me not to create safety hazards to which I explained actually that he ordered me to do it telling me he doesn't pay me to think, etc. Long story short, I got paid for those two days off work and being sent home early... I was un-terminated and assigned a new boss.

He was out on worker's compensation for about three weeks. When he returned, he was also reporting to the same new boss. I found out that he had other complaints at a different location and as such was written-up for this one.
 
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