Things we hate reading...

[mason]

heard all of them above and all of them made me LOL

the best are, If you let me know whats wrong i will get the part second hand and you can fix it as it will be cheap to repair then.

or

what did you do to fix it so i can fix it next time. << i hate that one

 

[JoeTech]

Why can't my PC run this program? My friend can run it just fine on there PC.

Find out they have a 5 year old netbook and there friend has a brand new high end gaming PC.

or "it was working fine two weeks ago". Yeah but that was two weeks ago before you dropped it.

 

[altrenda]

Now that you fixed my problem, I have this old computer that used to work and I want to give it to my kids. Can you take a few minutes to check it out?(off the clock, of course)

 

[JustInspired]

I collected my PC from you last month.... I haven't had a chance to use it yet until this morning and it seems to have a virus or something....

True story. But he didn't know about the event logs... and the browser history... bwahaha!

 

[Markverhyden]

True story, repeated many times over in various forms, from when I worked at CompUSA....

Me - Hello, how can I help you?

Customer - I got a brand new printer and I just set it up and it's not working.

Me - Sorry to hear that. Do you have your purchase receipt handy?

Customer - Sorry, I can't find it.

Me - Did you pay for it by credit card? I can look up the purchase that way.

Customer - OK, here is the number.

Me - Sorry I can't to find it. How long ago did you purchase it.

Customer - About 2 years ago.

Me - I'm very sorry but there is nothing I can really do to help you out for a purchase that old.

Customer - But it's brand new, I just took it out of the box

 

[lcoughey]

I had did a recovery for a client, provided them with a file listing to confirm that everything was there. They confirmed the listing, picked up the recovered data around noon and then called me around 2pm saying that one folder that was super critical to have ASAP and was in the listing is not present on the drive. I assured him that it had to be there...I used that drive to generate the listing.

At 4:45pm, he brings in the destination drive. So, immediately connected the drive to a system in front of him, confirmed that it was missing and then opened R-Studio and showed that the files he was looking for were deleted at 4:30pm, just before he left his office a few blocks away. Yet, he still denied deleting the files.

I said, no problem, I'll recopy them from my clone and they'll be ready for you in the morning. It took him almost a week to come back to get the super critical files.

If I were a betting man, I believe that he thought he could scam me into giving him a refund after he already copied the files off the drive.

 

[JoeTech]

I'm hearing grinding noises in my PC. I need it fixed asap. Calls in every 30 mins harrasing you to get it fixed right away.

Rush to get it working and then they say "oh thanks I will pick it up in a few weeks, It was just a spare pc anyways!" Those people need to die a cruel slow death.

 

[Larry Sabo]

My hard drive was clicking so I opened it and had a look. I need my construction business files because I don't have a current backup. Can you help? (Fingerprints and smudges in area not shown)

 

[16k_zx81]

"I'm sure its easy to fix and I would do it myself but I'm too busy."

+10000000



this one always gets right under my skin, no matter how many times I hear it.

 

[Mendija's Repair]

The most annoying ones for me?
"Can I watch you do it?"
"Can you teach me how?"

 

[Markverhyden]

The most annoying ones for me?
"Can I watch you do it?"
"Can you teach me how?"

LOL!!! Reminds me of a tech's sig I saw once. He had a repair rate, a watch me repair rate, and a teach me how repair rate

 

[Mendija's Repair]

LOL!!! Reminds me of a tech's sig I saw once. He had a repair rate, a watch me repair rate, and a teach me how repair rate

lmao good one! I should do that for everyone who asks from now on

 

[JoeTech]

My sign at work. This must be similiar to what you were talking about.

 

[nlinecomputers]

My basic response is "Do you ask your auto mechanic that?

 

[angry_geek]

Yep!

Here's one my SMB brothers and sisters will appreciate, and, yes, this actually happened just a couple of weeks ago. However, we see variations all the time:

Client --- "We hired a new person that is related to our secretary's brother's wife's aunt's cousin twice removed. He/She knows A LOT about computers. Anyway, he/she said the server was real slow when they were using it because he/she noticed some errors. So we rebooted in the middle of the afternoon so he/she could run some tweaks and turn off some unnecessary services. Now we can't access our database, and he/she says it's because of some stuff you had installed that caused a bunch of errors and corruptions. We need you to drop everything you're doing and come fix this now because we're closing in 15 minutes and HAVE to have it up by the morning. Oh yeah, we're not paying because he/she says this is YOUR fault."

Me ---- "If I come out there and find that the problem with the server, which was working flawlessly yesterday, is the fault of this person, you will pay for the emergency call. Right?"

Client --- "Oh, yes. Of course, but it's definitely your fault."

On site, me --- "Why did you turn off all the SQL services, anti-virus, and backup services? Why did you unplug one of the network cables from the server?"

New person --- "Well, SQL was slowing down the machine. It was eating up over 16 GB of RAM! So, there was obviously something going wrong with it. The anti-virus kept popping up when I was trying to download some music program, so I disabled it. The backup services were running CONSTANTLY, so I turned it off because I was just going to set it up to back up to an external hard drive. That's A LOT cheaper than this other service you have set up. I unplugged the other cable because I needed to plug in my macbook."

Me, with the boss in server room. --- "Why is this person in the server room browsing the web on the server?"

Boss --- "We didn't have another computer free, so we thought this would work til we got one ordered from you."

Me --- "Here's what happened: He/She turned off the SQL services which is how your database works. Without SQL, it's just a big fat cow sitting there on the hard drives. It uses all that RAM because your database should be fast. Also, because it's a server. The rest of the ram is used for other services, but half is allocated to SQL because you want your database to be FAST so productivity is HIGH. The anti-virus is there to keep things from being downloaded. It's locked down like fort knox to prevent users from installing things like weird music programs which have now installed ad-ware on your SERVER. The backup service is expensive because you want to be able to work even if your place burns to the ground. Remember that conversation where you decided it was worth the cost and paid for the entire year up front? The reason there are two network cables in this machine is because one is dedicated to the backup system so we don't saturate the network. This leads into why the service runs a lot of the time. It takes hourly snapshots so you would risk minimal data loss in the event of an issue. Why were you plugging in your macbook instead of using the wireless network like everyone else?"

New person --- "Every time I tried to access perez hilton (or other stupid site), I kept getting an error to contact my administrator because that site isn't allowed."

Me --- "So, I can fix this, but I have a question or two before I do. Are you going to pay me? Is this person, or anyone else, ever going to be allowed access to the server room again?"

Boss --- "Yes, and definitely not!"

Turned services back on, plugged nic back in, rebooted server. Total time on site: 15 minutes. Invoice: $375. Client loves me again; new person found a "better opportunity" a week later.

So, least favorite phrase: "We hired someone, and they really know computers."

 

[glricht]

So, least favorite phrase: "We hired someone, and they really know computers."

OMG, I think one of my customers just hired that person!

 

[callthatgirl]

@AG, I hate those! My favorite was just recent,

"Lisa, you know I have used your company for years and recommend you highly, but I am very disappointed in the last repair you did for me...my computer has never run right" bla bla bla.

Me: "Ms Crabby client, you had a virus removal last summer, and I don't see in my notes that you ever called back on this, you know I always tell clients to call me back asap if they have issues, did you call me back"

Client, "No, my bad"

 

[DocGreen]

Yep!

Here's one my SMB brothers and sisters will appreciate, and, yes, this actually happened just a couple of weeks ago. However, we see variations all the time:

Client --- "We hired a new person that is related to our secretary's brother's wife's aunt's cousin twice removed. He/She knows A LOT about computers. Anyway, he/she said the server was real slow when they were using it because he/she noticed some errors. So we rebooted in the middle of the afternoon so he/she could run some tweaks and turn off some unnecessary services. Now we can't access our database, and he/she says it's because of some stuff you had installed that caused a bunch of errors and corruptions. We need you to drop everything you're doing and come fix this now because we're closing in 15 minutes and HAVE to have it up by the morning. Oh yeah, we're not paying because he/she says this is YOUR fault."

Me ---- "If I come out there and find that the problem with the server, which was working flawlessly yesterday, is the fault of this person, you will pay for the emergency call. Right?"

Client --- "Oh, yes. Of course, but it's definitely your fault."

On site, me --- "Why did you turn off all the SQL services, anti-virus, and backup services? Why did you unplug one of the network cables from the server?"

New person --- "Well, SQL was slowing down the machine. It was eating up over 16 GB of RAM! So, there was obviously something going wrong with it. The anti-virus kept popping up when I was trying to download some music program, so I disabled it. The backup services were running CONSTANTLY, so I turned it off because I was just going to set it up to back up to an external hard drive. That's A LOT cheaper than this other service you have set up. I unplugged the other cable because I needed to plug in my macbook."

Me, with the boss in server room. --- "Why is this person in the server room browsing the web on the server?"

Boss --- "We didn't have another computer free, so we thought this would work til we got one ordered from you."

Me --- "Here's what happened: He/She turned off the SQL services which is how your database works. Without SQL, it's just a big fat cow sitting there on the hard drives. It uses all that RAM because your database should be fast. Also, because it's a server. The rest of the ram is used for other services, but half is allocated to SQL because you want your database to be FAST so productivity is HIGH. The anti-virus is there to keep things from being downloaded. It's locked down like fort knox to prevent users from installing things like weird music programs which have now installed ad-ware on your SERVER. The backup service is expensive because you want to be able to work even if your place burns to the ground. Remember that conversation where you decided it was worth the cost and paid for the entire year up front? The reason there are two network cables in this machine is because one is dedicated to the backup system so we don't saturate the network. This leads into why the service runs a lot of the time. It takes hourly snapshots so you would risk minimal data loss in the event of an issue. Why were you plugging in your macbook instead of using the wireless network like everyone else?"

New person --- "Every time I tried to access perez hilton (or other stupid site), I kept getting an error to contact my administrator because that site isn't allowed."

Me --- "So, I can fix this, but I have a question or two before I do. Are you going to pay me? Is this person, or anyone else, ever going to be allowed access to the server room again?"

Boss --- "Yes, and definitely not!"

Turned services back on, plugged nic back in, rebooted server. Total time on site: 15 minutes. Invoice: $375. Client loves me again; new person found a "better opportunity" a week later.

So, least favorite phrase: "We hired someone, and they really know computers."

OMG I'm still laughing at this one!

 

[MobileTechie]

"Surely that is covered under our support agreement?"

(normally after client installed something on the server, made changes to the network infrastructure, moved to a new country etc)

"You fixed the fan on PC, therefore this problem with Outlook must be your fault".

often followed by:

"Yes I know you fixed it 3 months ago....but we haven't used it since"

 

[nlinecomputers]

It just appeared. I have no idea how THAT got on my system.

(Yeah sure you don't)