GTP
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Hey jacob, I reckon your old dog would enjoy a good long walk in the park.
Say "hello" to some nice ladies...ok?
Humor Section!
- Thread starter TechLady
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Say "hello" to some nice ladies...ok?
GTP
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One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.
"There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it."
"It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars. A lot cheaper than a doctor." So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Costco.
He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping at Costco."
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample from himself for good measure!
Joe hurries back to Costco, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
Thank you for shopping at Costco!
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.
"There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it."
"It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars. A lot cheaper than a doctor." So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Costco.
He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping at Costco."
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample from himself for good measure!
Joe hurries back to Costco, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
Thank you for shopping at Costco!
Mr. Ingram's Computer Repair & Shoppe
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He's only 3!!!! He is still my little puppers!
Altster
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Man oh man, you (Jacob) REALLLLLLLY need to get out more often!
.ditto!
Altster
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Larry Sabo
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LOL! Hilarious!
NETWizz
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Markverhyden
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Onsite doing a cut over, killing time. Had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing out loud.
Mr. Ingram's Computer Repair & Shoppe
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- (Call me Jacob)
GTP
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Mr. Ingram's Computer Repair & Shoppe
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- (Call me Jacob)
Since I got yelled at for putting "inappropriate language" meme last time...
"We own you. Learn more."
"We own you. Learn more."
NETWizz
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Isn't it true that just about everything in Australia is venomous? Like 9 out of 10 snakes and 4 out of 5 spiders???
GTP
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Well, not quite everything is venemous.
Of the 520 species of lizards none are venomous but you could get an infection from a bite from a Goanna or Perenti or lose your life to a crocodile.
Out of ~170 species of snakes (including sea snakes) 100 are venomous, about 12 being extremely venomous. Some like the Eastern Tiger snake, Taipan, Eastern Brown Snake, Copperhead, Death Adder, and Yellow-Bellied sea snake are so venomous you could die from a bite in 1~2 hours if no treatment was administered.
Out of 2400 species of spider, less than 50 are harmful to humans...
There's probably only 5~6 that you should worry about as the others will just cause a painful bite.
The most dangerous and deadly is the Funnel Web, (the male is much smaller than the female but is much more deadly) followed by the Redback spider, Mouse Spiders and White tailed Spiders.
Other extremely deadly creatures include, Stonefish, Lion Fish, BlueBottles, Sea Wasps, Textile Cone, Blue Ringed Octopus, Box jellyfish, Saltwater Crocs, Fresh Water Crocs and many species of sharks (Grey Nurse, White Pointer, Tiger Shark, Hammerhead, Black Tipped Reef Shark, Blue Shark, Bronze Whaler, Bull Shark, etc) that would think nothing of having you for lunch!
But possibly the most dangerous animal in Aus would have to be this guy!
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GTP
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- Adelaide, Australia
Bluey goes to an outdoor show and wins a tinnie.
He brings it home and his misses looks at him and says,
"What you gonna do with that. There’s no water deep enough to float a boat within 160 Km's of here."
He says, "I won it and I'm gonna bloody keep it."
His mate comes over to visit several days later.
He sees Bluey's misses and asks where Bluey is.
She says, "He's out there in his tinnie", pointing to the paddock behind the house.
Old Mate heads out behind the house and sees Bluey in the middle of a paddock sittin' in the tinnie with a fishin' rod in his hand ..
He yells out to him, "What the bloody hell are you doin'?"
Bluey replies, "I'm fishin'. What the f**k does it look like I'm a doin?"
Old Mate yells, "It's people like you that give people from Queensland a bad name, makin' everybody think we're bloody stupid!
Bluey yells, If I could bloody swim, I'd come over there and kick your bloody 'arse mate!"
He brings it home and his misses looks at him and says,
"What you gonna do with that. There’s no water deep enough to float a boat within 160 Km's of here."
He says, "I won it and I'm gonna bloody keep it."
His mate comes over to visit several days later.
He sees Bluey's misses and asks where Bluey is.
She says, "He's out there in his tinnie", pointing to the paddock behind the house.
Old Mate heads out behind the house and sees Bluey in the middle of a paddock sittin' in the tinnie with a fishin' rod in his hand ..
He yells out to him, "What the bloody hell are you doin'?"
Bluey replies, "I'm fishin'. What the f**k does it look like I'm a doin?"
Old Mate yells, "It's people like you that give people from Queensland a bad name, makin' everybody think we're bloody stupid!
Bluey yells, If I could bloody swim, I'd come over there and kick your bloody 'arse mate!"
GTP
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- Location
- Adelaide, Australia
GTP
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- Adelaide, Australia
NETWizz
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GTP
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- Adelaide, Australia
Koala...FTFY.
Koala's are fairly "laid back" but should never be taken for granted. They can mess you up if you aren't careful. They can bite and scratch.
Oh and the males are very strong!
coffee
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If anyone really cared about taking care of the Earth then we would build a giant hoover vacuum...
frase
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