Humor Section!

[Moltuae]

I will grant you one wish.

Very common schoolboy error.

Rule #2 of wish granting: Always wish for more wishes.

 

[HCHTech]

There was a Dachshund once, so long
He hadn't any notion
The time it took to notify
His tail of an emotion
So as it happened, while his eyes
Were full of woe and sadness...
His little tail kept wagging on
Because of previous gladness!

 

[GTP]

There was a Dachshund once, so long
He hadn't any notion
The time it took to notify
His tail of an emotion
So as it happened, while his eyes
Were full of woe and sadness...
His little tail kept wagging on
Because of previous gladness!

 

[GTP]

The website to beat all websites! If you suffer from epileptic seizures do not enter!

 

[Dave R Mason]

 

[Dave R Mason]

Ewwwwweeee!!!!!!

 

[Dave R Mason]

Ya gotta watch those cats!
Remembers::::
... Cats don't have "owners" -
........ "They" have "Staff"

 

[GTP]

A drunk man who smelled strongly of liqueur sat down on a subway train next to a priest.
The man's cloth's were stained, his hair dishevelled, his face plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of whisky was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Hey Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest looked the man up and down and replied, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a cleanliness."
The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned", then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry." "I didn't mean to come on so strong." "How long have you had arthritis?"
The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father." "I was just reading here that the Pope does."

MORAL: Make sure you fully understand the question before offering the answer!

 

[GTP]

Carol and Charlie, both 81, lived in The Villages, in Florida.
They met at the singles club meeting and discovered overtime that they enjoyed each other’s company.
After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Charlie asked Carol out for dinner and, much to his delight, she accepted.
They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town.
Despite their ages, they ended up at his place for an after-dinner drink.
Things continued along a natural course and with age being no inhibitor, Carol soon joined Charlie for a most enjoyable "roll in the hay."
As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments they’d shared, each was lost for a time in their own thoughts.....
Charlie was thinking: ‘If I'd known she was a virgin, I'd have been gentler.'
Carol was thinking: ‘If I'd known he could still do it, I'd have taken off my pantyhose.'

 

[Dave R Mason]

A drunk man who smelled strongly of liqueur sat down on a subway train next to a priest.
The man's cloth's were stained, his hair dishevelled, his face plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of whisky was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Hey Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest looked the man up and down and replied, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a cleanliness."
The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned", then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry." "I didn't mean to come on so strong." "How long have you had arthritis?"
The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father." "I was just reading here that the Pope does."

MORAL: Make sure you fully understand the question before offering the answer!

 

[Dave R Mason]

So true... so very true!!

 

[Dave R Mason]

 

[GTP]

So true... so very true!!

Hey @Dave R Mason did you know you can reply in the same field as the quoted reply?

 

[GTP]

I never said she stole my money.

I never said she stole my money.

I never said she stole my money.

I never said she stole my money.

I never said she stole my money.

I never said she stole my money.

I never said she stole my money.

 

[Dave R Mason]

Thanks for the reminder... I haven't gotten the hang of this reply system/format yet

 

[NETWizz]

IT RELATED POEM


It's not my place to run the train
The whistle I cannot blow.

It's not my place to say how far
The train's allowed to go.

It's not my place to let off steam
Nor even ring the bell.

But let the damn thing jump the track
And see who catches hell.

 

[Porthos]

Full computer crash.

 

[Porthos]

 

[GTP]

Dr @Porthos, my PC is giving me hell!
I need Internet Snake Oil 2000 and my free copy of Tune-Up Eraser Boost Alert Turbo Security Master Popkill Pro XP!
I want them now!
Here is my $2000, please dispatch ASAP!

 

[TechLady]

A little quiz to keep those tech skills FRESH

Someone that’s not the brightest crayon in the box says they suddenly have no internet. Modem and router are fine and working properly. What is the problem?

A) They forgot how to connect to the internet
B) A rat chewed through the CAT5 cable
C) They infected themselves with a rootkit
D) Failed LAN port

You’re facing a computer with Windows 7 Ultimate. Is it:

a) Pirated
b) Pirated
c) Probably pirated?
d) Pirated

A customer has brought in a custom-built system they say they paid over $1000 for another tech to build. What is the likely total value of the components inside?

a) $700
b) $600
c) $500, tops
d) 50 cents

A customer can no longer fax documents. What has probably occurred?

a) It’s out of ink—you need ink to fax, of course!
b) They got rid of their regular phone service the week before and signed up for VoIP
c) The line is dead
d) Their brain is dead