Humor Section!

[NETWizz]

This belongs on here because only a moron Dell engineer would actually make instructions to actaully actually do it this way.... No way is this going to work; it will trap air.

 

[Krynn72]

This belongs on here because only a moron Dell engineer would actually make instructions to actaully actually do it this way.... No way is this going to work; it will trap air.

View attachment 8942

Maybe his coworker hypnotized him.

Spoiler

Spoiler'd to prevent accidental hypnosis.

 

[LordIntruder]

Spoiler'd to prevent accidental hypnosis.

Doesn't work for all the people that MUST click on EVERY spoiler button....

 

[Krynn72]

Doesn't work for all the people that MUST click on EVERY spoiler button....

I'm going to count to three, then snap my fingers. When I snap my fingers you will no longer feel compelled to open every spoiler button.

One... Two...

 

[timeshifter]

Hi, Sean, this is Alex from next door.

I have a confession to make. I have been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face, but I !!am at least telling you in a text as I cannot live with myself a moment longer without you knowing. The truth is I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you’re not at home. In fact, quite likely more than you. I haven’t been getting it at home recently, but I know that’s no excuse. The temptation was just awesome. I can no longer live with the guilt and hope that you will accept my sincerest apology and forgive me. It won’t happen again. Please suggest a fee for usage and I’ll pay you.
Greetings, Alex.
Neighbour Sean’s Response
Sean, feeling so angered and betrayed, then grabbed his pump rifle and shot his neighbour Alex dead. He returned home, poured himself a stiff drink, and sat down on the couch. Sean took out his phone where he saw a second message from Alex.

SECOND MESSAGE*
Hi, Sean, this is Alex from next door, again.
Sorry about the typo on my last text. I expect that you figured it out and noticed that darned Auto-Correct changed “wi-fi” to “wife.” That’s today’s technology for you, hey?
Greetings, Alex.

 

[Altster]

Gotta love stock photography - that's EXACTLY how I put in CPUs!

Me too! How else would one go about it?

 

[Altster]

Yes, they will take it out and lower the coffin about three times!

I still don't understand why so many have trouble inserting a USB stick / device properly THE FIRST TIME!

 

[Markverhyden]

Couple days ago I noticed one of those highway signs on the Mass Pike that the RMV will be closed 3/23-25. They advised plan ahead. LOL!!!

 

[GTP]

I'm going to count to three, then snap my fingers. When I snap my fingers you will no longer feel compelled to open every spoiler button.

One... Two...

....yeesss...master...

 

[Mick]

Recently had an elderly gent phone me. Conversation as follows:

Him: "My kids recently bought me one of these new smart-phones and I need some help with it. Sound like your sort of thing?"

Me: "We'll try to help. What exactly is the problem?"

Him: "Its out-smarted me."

 

[Markverhyden]

Recently had an elderly gent phone me. Conversation as follows:

Him: "My kids recently bought me one of these new smart-phones and I need some help with it. Sound like your sort of thing?"

Me: "We'll try to help. What exactly is the problem?"

Him: "Its out-smarted me."

Makes me chuckle. I got my Dad, whose 93, an iPhone a few months ago. He's been taking courses on it as well.

 

[manilovecollege]

That's a good one, Mick. My grandpa got a smart phone for Christmas and by New Year's he was already exasperated...

 

[GTP]

This should boggle your mind! And Probably scare you as well!

1. At Wal-Mart, Americans spend $36,000,000 every hour of every day.

2. This works out to $20,928 profit every minute!

3. Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St. Patrick's Day (March 17th)than Target sells all year.

4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target + Sears +Costco + K-Mart combined.

5. Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people and is the largest private employer, and most can't speak English.

6. Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of the world.

7. Wal-Mart now sells more food than Kroger and Safeway combined, keep in mind they did this in only 15 years.

8. During this same period, 31 Supermarket chains sought bankruptcy.

9. Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store in the world.

10. Wal-Mart has approx. 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are Super Centers ; this is 1,000 more than it had 5 years ago.

11. This year, 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences will occur At a Wal-Mart store. (Earth's population is approximately 6.5 billion).

12. 90% of all Americans live within 15 miles of a Wal-Mart.

13. The value of product for Wal-Mart passing through the port of San Diego each year is a larger sum than 93% of ALL countries Gross National Product (GNP)..... and that is only ONE port... one way that's how Wal-Mart gets it's stuff.

14. Of the 1.6 million employees, only 1.2% Make a living above the poverty level.

15. Wal-Mart's head office is located and centralized in Bentonville.

Due to this fact, there are more millionaires per square mile there than any place on Earth.

16. The official U.S. Government position is that Wal-Mart's prices are no lower than anyone else's when compared to a typical families weekly purchase. That's the view of the statisticians at the Bureau Of Labor Statistics (BLS) responsible for calculating the Consumer Price Index (CPI).

17. 92% of everything Wal-Mart sells, comes from China . Another 4% comes from Chinese owned companies in the U.S. or in 3rd world Countries.

18. Wal-Mart and MOST large companies, take out life insurance on it's employees, without their knowing.

If an employee dies, ALL the insurance moneys go to the companies. (i.e. An employee making $18,000 per year, dies, and the company might make as much as $1 million. Most often these moneys, coming from what is commonly referred to as "Dead Peasant Life Insurance Policies", is paid out to executives as bonuses. A common practice, unknown by the average consumer).

19. Wal-Mart now averages a "profit" (not sales) of $36 billion per year.

20. Let Wal-Mart bail out Wall Street. If not, consider shopping someplace else.

If we closed all the Wal-Mart stores would China go bankrupt?

 

[Krynn72]

This should boggle your mind! And Probably scare you as well!

1. At Wal-Mart, Americans spend $36,000,000 every hour of every day.

2. This works out to $20,928 profit every minute!

3. Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St. Patrick's Day (March 17th)than Target sells all year.

4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target + Sears +Costco + K-Mart combined.

5. Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people and is the largest private employer, and most can't speak English.

6. Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of the world.

7. Wal-Mart now sells more food than Kroger and Safeway combined, keep in mind they did this in only 15 years.

8. During this same period, 31 Supermarket chains sought bankruptcy.

9. Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store in the world.

10. Wal-Mart has approx. 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are Super Centers ; this is 1,000 more than it had 5 years ago.

11. This year, 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences will occur At a Wal-Mart store. (Earth's population is approximately 6.5 billion).

12. 90% of all Americans live within 15 miles of a Wal-Mart.

13. The value of product for Wal-Mart passing through the port of San Diego each year is a larger sum than 93% of ALL countries Gross National Product (GNP)..... and that is only ONE port... one way that's how Wal-Mart gets it's stuff.

14. Of the 1.6 million employees, only 1.2% Make a living above the poverty level.

15. Wal-Mart's head office is located and centralized in Bentonville.

Due to this fact, there are more millionaires per square mile there than any place on Earth.

16. The official U.S. Government position is that Wal-Mart's prices are no lower than anyone else's when compared to a typical families weekly purchase. That's the view of the statisticians at the Bureau Of Labor Statistics (BLS) responsible for calculating the Consumer Price Index (CPI).

17. 92% of everything Wal-Mart sells, comes from China . Another 4% comes from Chinese owned companies in the U.S. or in 3rd world Countries.

18. Wal-Mart and MOST large companies, take out life insurance on it's employees, without their knowing.

If an employee dies, ALL the insurance moneys go to the companies. (i.e. An employee making $18,000 per year, dies, and the company might make as much as $1 million. Most often these moneys, coming from what is commonly referred to as "Dead Peasant Life Insurance Policies", is paid out to executives as bonuses. A common practice, unknown by the average consumer).

19. Wal-Mart now averages a "profit" (not sales) of $36 billion per year.

20. Let Wal-Mart bail out Wall Street. If not, consider shopping someplace else.

If we closed all the Wal-Mart stores would China go bankrupt?

You know this is the humor thread right? It's not the "make people depressed" thread.

 

[HCHTech]

1. At Wal-Mart, Americans spend $36,000,000 every hour of every day.

This smells so much like other junk that gets forwarded ad nauseum on FB & email, but there is a Snopes article whose analysis is that it is mostly true - and from 2008. I'm sure today's numbers would be even more depressing.

 

[Slaters Kustum Machines]

If we closed all the Wal-Mart stores would China go bankrupt?

Possibly, but the company in the story would go from Wal-Mart to Amazon at that point.

 

[Markverhyden]

This smells so much like other junk that gets forwarded ad nauseum on FB & email, but there is a Snopes article whose analysis is that it is mostly true - and from 2008. I'm sure today's numbers would be even more depressing.

Yes, except for 18. That pejorative myth has been floating around for years. Companies do take out life insurance on employees and the employees always know about it and sign off on it. The place where it's really big numbers is in key executive positions where they take out huge policies payable to the company to protect against financial turmoil in the event of someone on Mt Olympus dying. When I was working in the oil business I had a base life insurance policy of something like 50k payable to me. And payouts are certainly not made to executives in the form of a bonus.

 

[GTP]

You know this is the humor thread right? It's not the "make people depressed" thread.

It was forwarded to me and I thought it was worth sharing just out of interest.
I was impressed by the numbers (if true) - that's all.

 

[JoeTech]

 

[Altster]

but there is a Snopes article whose analysis is

Please tell me you don't rely "only" on snopes.com for facts. I'm not sure they would know a fact if it hit them in the face!