I gotta tell ya this one ......

bertie40

bertie40

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Location
Leeds, UK
Replacing a router this morning, the manageress read out an email from her husband, and in between breaks for laughing, told the office this one.

A friend suffered from a stiff neck, so his wife arranged for him to go to one of these alternative holistic therapy clinics, to get it fixed.

A light massage perhaps ?
Warm stones wrapped in fragranced towels ?

Nope.

Due to a mixup in the appointments, he was subjected to a colonic irrigation.

The point being, that being ignorant of these therapies, and of course, being British, he didn't say a word, or question the treatment.

You can imagine him lying there bemused, silently wondering just what the hell, this all had to do with a bad neck.

:)
 
This one killed me

Mrs, madam and I were having a bite to eat in Leeds City Centre .... Again.

Upstairs in Yates.
(Yates is a chain of pub/restaurants in the uk).
Anyway.

Madam saw this :
A nun, in a full black habit and wimple arrived, and obviously struggled to come up the stairs with her friends.

Madam then uttered the following words which will stay with me till I die

Madam : "is that a real nun"?

I nearly choked on my Guinness.

Rewind 30 seconds.
The "nun" was wearing, quite possibly the most unconvincing outfit in fancy dress history.

Her true identity as a fake was Bourne out by two things.

1. Nuns habits are rarely made out of plastic

2. Nuns have a habit ( ha!) of wearing a crucifix around their neck. The item this "nun" was wearing was clearly a pink plastic representation of a gentleman's trouser filler.

Also, her friends wore pink fluffy ears and "Hen Party Sashes".

Judged by her demeanour, this nuns thoughts were far from godly issues and contemplation.

(No doubt she would recite his name in rapid quick succession later on this evening).

And.... And.... Madam asked if she was a real nun !!


Actually, this pub had a rapid succession of hen parties arriving for drinks.

Best spectator sport EVER.

The main guy in one Stag party was awesome....
6 foot, hairy chest, stubble,...... Lipstick and wearing a particularly low cut red dress.

The lower half of the dress had been cut away, I never knew they made stockings and suspenders in large men's sizes.

The bikini briefs were a lowlight.

Question : if a nun works behind a bar, does she take holy orders ?
 
bertie40 said:
This one killed me

Mrs, madam and I were having a bite to eat in Leeds City Centre .... Again.

Upstairs in Yates.
(Yates is a chain of pub/restaurants in the uk).
Anyway.

Madam saw this :
A nun, in a full black habit and wimple arrived, and obviously struggled to come up the stairs with her friends.

Madam then uttered the following words which will stay with me till I die

Madam : "is that a real nun"?

I nearly choked on my Guinness.

Rewind 30 seconds.
The "nun" was wearing, quite possibly the most unconvincing outfit in fancy dress history.

Her true identity as a fake was Bourne out by two things.

1. Nuns habits are rarely made out of plastic

2. Nuns have a habit ( ha!) of wearing a crucifix around their neck. The item this "nun" was wearing was clearly a pink plastic representation of a gentleman's trouser filler.

Also, her friends wore pink fluffy ears and "Hen Party Sashes".

Judged by her demeanour, this nuns thoughts were far from godly issues and contemplation.

(No doubt she would recite his name in rapid quick succession later on this evening).

And.... And.... Madam asked if she was a real nun !!


Actually, this pub had a rapid succession of hen parties arriving for drinks.

Best spectator sport EVER.

The main guy in one Stag party was awesome....
6 foot, hairy chest, stubble,...... Lipstick and wearing a particularly low cut red dress.

The lower half of the dress had been cut away, I never knew they made stockings and suspenders in large men's sizes.

The bikini briefs were a lowlight.

Question : if a nun works behind a bar, does she take holy orders ?
Click to expand...

Thanks for this. Made my day. :)

Rick
 
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