Am I going to regret this?

abyssinian

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Well I am fairly new here...I think this is even my first thread, but I have enjoyed many of your "rant" threads and kinda felt like having my own of sorts.

I just heard that a person I have called a "friend" for almost 30 years is in the hospital with less than 48 hours to live (blood poisoning). I have decided not to go visit him.

The story goes that he is actually a friend of mines dad. Their family was the center of a large group of friends that I was a part of. Well, back in about 1989 they needed someone to help drive to San Diego (about 1100 miles from here), and I volunteered. I woke up the morning after we arrived in San Diego to this guy coming back in the house and stating that his car had been broken into and someone stole my high dollar 2 way radio we had hooked up for the trip.

All was well more or less for a couple of years until one night I'm out drinking with his son who gets all guilty and blabs that his dad had faked the break-in and put my radio in his trunk. The dad denied it for years (and still does as far as I know), but I eventually found proof as I was brought the radio for repair by another member of our little group (I had made a one of a kind modification to the inside, so no mistaking it). I most likely would have never spoke with this guy again, except that his family was the center of almost all of my friends at the time.

Fast forward almost 20 years. Over the last 5 or so years I've grown apart from all those guys, and haven't seen ANY of them since my son was born a couple years ago. I get the news today, and all I can think about is that stupid radio. No, I'm not glad he's dying...I'm just not sure I want to "pay my respects" or whatever they call it.

Anyway...thanks for listening.


Oh...and by the way...this was far from the only time he pulled stuff like this. Somebody once described this guy very well...something along the lines of "He'll give you the shirt off his back, as long as he can steal your last dollar when your not looking".
 
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Forgiveness is not for the benefit of the other person, forgiveness is for your benefit. Go pay your respects, express your forgiveness and release yourself from the past hurts. You will be the better person for it. The fact that you're "ranting" means your unsettled in this matter.

Just my 2 cents worth...
 
Forgiveness is not for the benefit of the other person, forgiveness is for your benefit. Go pay your respects, express your forgiveness and release yourself from the past hurts. You will be the better person for it. The fact that you're "ranting" means your unsettled in this matter.

Just my 2 cents worth...

+1...twenty characters
 
As was mentioned above it isn't just for him, but for you also. You will regret not seeing him one last time (and even not putting this behind you) for the rest of your life.
 
Ive often been bitter and angry like you have. What ultimately happens, is that we fail to recognize our own faults in situations and hang onto the idea that that other person is heinous because they did something that slighted us. I went though a nasty breakup and divorce with my first wife, and I blamed her for much of the failure. Turns out, I was as much to blame as her, and once I came to grips with it, I lost the will to be angry. Similarly, I had mommy issues because I perceived my mother not to be how I expected her to behave. Before she died, I had to realize that her faults were her own and nothing I was going to be able to correct.

Realize that your friends dad is the way he is, right or wrong. Why he is like he is isnt as important as how you deal with it. Being angry for something over 20 years ago is something you need to deal with on your own, or not. Dying and watching someone die is hard to relate to, even if you have experienced it, so be there for your friend if you feel the urge.
 
Forgiveness is not for the benefit of the other person, forgiveness is for your benefit. Go pay your respects, express your forgiveness and release yourself from the past hurts. You will be the better person for it. The fact that you're "ranting" means your unsettled in this matter.

Just my 2 cents worth...

+1.

Tech in SC nailed it. Go man, do the right thing.
 
forgiveness is not for the benefit of the other person, forgiveness is for your benefit. Go pay your respects, express your forgiveness and release yourself from the past hurts. You will be the better person for it. The fact that you're "ranting" means your unsettled in this matter.

Just my 2 cents worth...

+ 1

.........................................................
 
Many good words from many good people. Thank you.

For better or for worse, I did not visit him and it is now too late.


I would have done the same. You dont owe him anything. The only reason you even had a thought of visiting him, is because you are a good person. In my opinion he is not, and honestly he probably didnt give a damn either way.

He did something to you, that would have bothered me for 20+ years also. you dont forget the wrongs people do to you, I dont care what people say. We can forgive all we want but we still remember. Remembering is what keeps us from making the same mistakes with other people.

Good on you for not showing your respects, because he certianly showed you none. I dont think there was respect to give.
 
Good on you for not showing your respects, because he certainly showed you none. I don't think there was respect to give.

I agree... your 'respects' would have been wasted on him anyway and in the long run, probably would just piss you off that you did go.

Now if you had wronged him, then I could see that you would have a need to go, show your respect and ask for forgiveness.
 
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I have to admit I would not have gone either ... its one thing to contact your friend and offer condolences but quite another to go see someone who is on their death bed when they just flat out wronged you and really didnt seem to have any remorse.
 
I think that whether you went or not, or had planned on going or not, is one issue, but your grudge is another. To think that after 20 years you would still hold such a resentment, that's pretty rough on you. If he was he kind of man you say he was, he probably got past any guilt he felt within moments, but you made yourself pay the price for twenty years.
 
Forgiveness is a Choice you have to make. Release yourself from all past hurt and grudges and forgive him. But in the end, it's your choice.
 
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