Local Craigslist Computer Service Ad!

tankman1989

tankman1989

Active Member
Reaction score
5
This is a great ad for Craigslist!

Hi, I’m offering computer and networking service for anyone who replies. I have really low rates because I’m not really a “professional” yet but my experience consists of installing hard drives on my friends computers when their current drives are full of porn and pirated music. I am also an expert in installing operating systems like Windows XP, Vista and Windows 7. I even have this DVD I downloaded from some torrent that has EVERY Microsoft operating system ever released in it’s corporate license version. What this means is that if you don’t have a legal license for your operating system it doesn’t matter because this DVD doesn’t require any keys or certificates of authenticity (COA’s). This can save you a lot of money when building a new computer or upgrading a computer.

I don’t have a business license, DBA certificate, liability insurance, Federal Employee Identification Number (EIN), sales tax certificate or any other documents which make most businesses legitimate but I am working on my A+ certification that I started about 15 years ago when I was in community college. Even though I don’t have any of these documents or certs I still think I am the best deal going. I figure that there is no need for them fancy smancy college degrees in computers so I’ll pass that savings onto YOU, the customer. I promise to stand by my work at any time. If you have a problem with my work, I will fit you in between my busy work schedule which is usually M-F 9-6 (actually I leave for work at 7:30am and get home about 7:30pm so I would need to work you in around that).

If you have a computer problem I would be happy to offer my in-house technical service. This is where you really get some savings. Most companies will charge at least $75-$100 for on-site work and have a one hour minimum, emergency onsite can be $100-$150! My rates are much more competitive as I have a flat rate fee of $20, and if I can’t fix it you pay nothing! I am available immediately after I leave my job at the poultry packaging plant. After nine hours of sweating in the hot factory I am anxious to do some easy mindless work like troubleshooting your home office/production/business machine. You don’t have to worry about me being tired after already working 12 hours as my doctor keeps me pumped full of Adderall. You don’t have to worry about the smell or stains from my clothing as most of the chicken manure and blood will be dry by the time I get to your residence and what isn’t will easily brush off with a stiff bristle brush. Just to be sure, if we have one of those rare worse case scenarios, I come armed with a bottle of Febreeze and OxiClean Stain Remover spray. This worked very well on one of my customer’s custom made imported ostrich skin (leather) office desk chair. After a few hours of scrubbing, the ground in chicken blood seemed to come out for the most part; it wasn’t very noticeable when we put a towel over the seat area.

I can fix most any problem on any Windows machine. To be honest I usually just reinstall the operating system as most customers take advantage of the free upgrade I offer with the multi-version corporate install disc. Customers really like this because they don’t have to dig around looking for that pesky Certificate of Authenticity (COA) nor do they have to pay $300 for the authentic retail version of the operating system. It is a Win-Win for both me and my customer! If you get a pop-up message that says something to the effect of “You may be the victim of software counterfeiting. This copy of Windows did not pass genuine Windows validation.” This only means that this is not the operating system which was originally installed on your machine. Although the message is annoying you should not worry about it as it is meaningless. You may also notice that when you try to do updates the operating system will not allow them due to the “Windows Genuine Advantage” issue. Do not worry about this. Microsoft updates are just another way to further slow your machine with their bloat ware. The best security starts with the user.

If you would like to make an appointment you can either email me at TheChickenHacker@gmail.com or you can call me at 747-555-1029. If my mom or step dad answer just tell them you are calling for the “Chicken Hacker” and you want to make an appointment. If my mom answers you need to speak slowly to her because it is hard to understand fast talkers when you are drunk; and if my step dad answers it is best to speak to him in Spanish if you can but if you don’t know Spanish he can make out a good number of words. I plan on getting an answering machine when I get my A+ certification.

If you need computer assistance call now as my time slots are filling up fast! I look forward to doing business to you!

The Chicken Hacker
Click to expand...
 
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Words can't describe... oh wait... they actually do a good job this time...
 
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If my mom and dad answer tell them its for chicken hacker lol!!!

Combined with this makes him a very sad and lonely man

"I am working on my A+ certification that I started about 15 years ago when I was in community college"
 
It's obviously a satirical post; the phone number isn't real. Personally, I think he was doing good until he started talking about the smell and stains; I think he tried a bit too hard.
 
I guess it is time to take the blame/credit for the "ad". It is an original "Tankman" but I have to say that my inspiration stemmed from my highly esteemed competition on Craigslist and I could have never done this without you/them. This really isn't my best work as I wrote it when I couldn't sleep (2:30am).

I'm glad someone registered TheChickenHacker@gmail.com though!

I should come up with a variety of ads and have people place them in various towns computer service ads, just to see what responses we get.!
 
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